Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Walter, the Blogger
"Blog” makes me think of Walter. He could blog all day. He collects newspapers posting his blogs and reader comments as people collect lighthouses, guns, shoes, or flashlights. He sits in the coffee shop blogging from 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. His computer is one of his few possessions. He sacrifices a home, a car, and relationships to follow this pursuit. It is his career, his passion.
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Hey, Teri --
ReplyDeleteI can't find your essay 1 or essay 2 here on the blog, so I can't leave my comments underneath. But I have a hard copy of essay 1, so I'll leave those comments here. I've written comments on the paper itself, and I'll give that to you on Monday. And I'd appreciate it if you would get those essays up here as soon as possible. :-)
About essay 1. Thank you so much for sharing information about what made your grandmother so special! I can see that she was important to you. You have some great details. The essay tells a number of potential stories that you can develop into a series of essays. However, as of yet, you're not telling a story. You're relating information about your grandmother's life. I've written suggestions on the paper itself, and I'll be talking with you about how to turn this into a story that has a beginning, middle, and end. My first major suggestion is to make this a story about the first full day you spent on the farm with your grandmother after you went to live with her in first grade. So, using what you have in the essay now, the story structure could go something like this:
* you arrive at the farm and discuss your initial impressions of your new home. You discuss how you feel about the change in your life. Your fears. You concerns.
* you watch her get up early in the morning to go out and milk the cows. You follow. She tries to teach you. You discuss how that affects you.
* She starts making the butter. You watch. Maybe you help. What do you think about it?
* She starts cooking -- go through her cooking each of the dishes you discuss in your essay, and what you thought about how she cooked.
* Time for the meal. Where were the rest of your family members? Bring them in as they gather to eat. Show your grandmother's relationship with the family through dialogue.
* Time for you to head to bed. Sum up, talking about what you learned about living on the farm and how you felt about your grandmother that day.
This will help focus your story. We'll talk about it on Monday! Good luck!!!